Praying to the Wrong Source?

In 2006, just days before I fell gravely ill, I ignorantly dabbled in New Age practices—including black magic and necromancy.

Ignorance and Deception

I foolishly believed these things were harmless “metaphysical science” because the bookstore didn’t label them as occultism, witchcraft, or sorcery. I also deceived myself, especially in how I viewed God’s character. In truth, I didn’t know Him as well as I thought.

Lies About God

I believed my reasons were unselfish because the books claimed life was about pursuing happiness—and that’s what “God wants,” right? Looking back, it’s clear how wrong that was.

Does God want a serial killer to murder? A drug addict to overdose? For us to control others? How could that even work if everyone’s happiness depended on controlling each other?

The truth is, I was trying to manipulate circumstances, control people, and shape my own and my children’s futures.

Calling on Demons Without Knowing It

The horror began immediately after I started calling on false gods—what New Age teachings call “the universe” and “spirit guides.” I didn’t realize at the time that I was inviting demons into my life, my house, and myself.

I practiced transcendental meditation, used vision boards, and followed the rituals in the books I read. At the same time, I was abusing Adderall. Though I told my doctor about it, she increased my dosage because I had built up a tolerance after years of use (Back then, the medical community didn’t know about drug induced schizophrenia and that it can be caused by several drugs, including Adderall).

Still, it wasn’t until I began these spiritual practices that torment truly began. Many who begin practicing in the occult also start experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. I was battling severe depression and anxiety, but it intensified into terrifying, daily experiences.

Demonic Torment

I began to experience intense physical sensations, disturbing smells and sounds, and what the world would call hallucinations. I felt overwhelming pain, inflicted by demonic forces. I became clairvoyant—not a gift, but a curse that only brought twisted truths, deception, fear, paranoia, and obsession with all I heard. The Bible warns us:

“Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.”

– Leviticus 19:31

“And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people.”

– Leviticus 20:6

“There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch, Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.” 

– Deuteronomy 18:10-11

I heard voices in the air, in my thoughts, and even inside my body. I’d hear my own voicemail playing out loud in the room. I heard voices pretending to be the physically dead—and living, people I knew or knew about.

Eventually, some of the demons admitted they were demons. I told them—and myself—that Jesus Christ could save me. But I didn’t truly know Him. I only thought I did.

And I was still asking false gods, “the universe,” for what I wanted. The Catholic Church tried a minor exorcism and told me to pray the rosary every day and use Mary’s name when battling demons, but this made things much worse. Jesus Christ is God, and without Him, we are not protected from demons. Scripture says the following: 

“And behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?”

– Matthew 8:29

“And he healed many that were sick with divers diseases, and cast out many demons; and he suffered not the demons to speak, because they knew him.”

– Mark 1:34

It’s no wonder my prayers were not answered then. I was ignorant, conflicted, and thought I wanted things my way because I didn’t know Christ yet.

If Christ Had Only Delivered Me From My Circumstances…

If Jesus had only delivered me from my suffering and given me temporary relief, I may not have truly come to know Him.

I would’ve thought either:

• He didn’t want a relationship with me;
• I didn’t need to open the Bible to know Him;
• Or that the false gods had answered my prayers.

Eventually, I would’ve fallen back into bondage, heading the wrong way again because I didn’t actually know Christ or His teachings. And I likely would’ve gone right back to those false sources—continuing to follow my own will, thinking I could just ask my bad circumstances to be willed away.

I Needed to Hit Rock Bottom

Opening and reading the New Testament for myself to learn Jesus Christ’s teachings was the beginning of new life – my eyes were opening. I had to learn to know Him as Savior and submit to Him as Lord over my life. I also needed to know that He wanted a relationship with me. Matthew 16:24-26, John 14:6, John 5:39-40, John 6:35, John 6:63, John 10:7, John 10:19, John 11:25-26, Matthew 7:21-23, Matthew 7:24-27 

I had been seeking help from false gods while wanting the true God to merely relieve my pain and allow me to stay in sin. I didn’t understand that Jesus taught denial of self-rule and to follow His teachings instead of obedience to unbiblical and contradictory doctrine found inside and outside of churches. I thought believing in His existence was enough—but even the demons believe in His existence! James 2:19

I Blamed God For Not Answering My Prayers to False Gods

When things didn’t go my way, I grew angry with God and blamed Him—expecting Him to grant my requests even while I was calling on demons.

I was using witchcraft to try to undo the effects of witchcraft. But you can’t use the New Age or sorcery to ward off the consequences of invoking evil spirits. You only invite more.

This reminds me of what God said in the book of Judges:

“Yet ye have forsaken me, and served other gods: wherefore I will deliver you no more. Go and cry unto the gods which ye have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your tribulation.”

– Judges 10:13–14

“But where are thy gods that thou hast made thee? let them arise, if they can save thee in the time of thy trouble: for according to the number of thy cities are thy gods, O Judah. Wherefore will ye contend with me? ye all have transgressed against me, saith Jehovah.”

– Jeremiah 2:28-29

Only the true and biblical Jesus Christ can deliver us from demonic evil and sin. John 10:10, Matthew 8:29. 

For Christians and non-Christians, God and the consequences of our sins can discipline us. Jeremiah 2:19.

As I shared in my book The Beginning of Deliverance, I tried everything to get well. I cringe when I think of how arrogant I was—but I’m even more in awe of God’s mercy. I do not deserve it.

Jesus Delivered Me

In 2008, Jesus Christ delivered me from multiple disorders and addictions, including Schizoaffective Disorder, prescription drug addiction, nicotine, and more. Had He not intervened, I would likely be dead—either from malnutrition, suicide, or drug abuse—or institutionalized and tormented, possibly homeless.

Through all of this, I learned that New Age, witchcraft, and secularism are all about trying to “play god.” But we will never be God.

Selfism and occultism are about control—trying to manipulate others and our circumstances to fulfill selfish desires. Many use witchcraft to gain power, fame, or money. But people and things are never worth losing your soul. Nothing is.

In the end, those who never trust Jesus Christ and repent will face the worst horror of all: eternal punishment.

But there is hope. Jesus Christ still saves and delivers those who are lost—if they will turn to Him prayerfully, sincerely, and biblically, repent of self-lordship, and agree to follow Him.

And the best part?

He helps us do that by changing us! Regeneration and sanctification. 

We can ask Him to save us, if we are lost. You could pray to the Father for your salvation and for help reading the New Testament. Make sure to pray in Jesus Christ’s name.

However, some use His name like a wand to command – that is not the way. Jesus told His followers they could ask what they will and He would do it, knowing their prayers would either be godly and understanding that Christ does not answer ungodly prayers. He will not go against His character. John 15:16, John 14:13-14.

We are saved by true faith, which is trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, and all He says in His Word. We cannot earn our way into Heaven and water baptism does not save, it is a ceremony indicating someone has repented and will follow Christ. Upon truly trusting the Lord after believing truth about Him, our sin, need for a Savior, and our recognition of Him as Lord, we receive the Holy Spirit and become new creations in Christ! Ephesians 1:3, Ephesians 2:5, Ephesians 2:8, 2 Corinthians 5:17

If we could earn our way, then Jesus Christ would not have needed to come down to Earth to atone for the sins of those who place their faith in Him. Galatians 2:21, Galatians 3:11, Galatians 3:2, Acts 2:28, Acts 2:41, Acts 3:19

So, and continue to seek Him in prayer and through the New Testament. Also, look for a biblically based church.

However, remember, His Word is over all contradictory man-made teachings that you hear by priests and many pastors, despite how nice and kind they are. We need truth. Being “nice” in religious doctrine without truth is worthless if it is leading one eternally astray. 

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves.”

– Matthew 7:15

“Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby. For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leadeth unto life, and few are they that find it.”

– Matthew 7:13-14

Therefore, know what the New Testament says for yourself.

Do not be afraid of anyone, but God, but do not be deceived and never give up! 

Who could you trust more than our Creator? No one!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God sent not the Son into the world to judge the world; but that the world should be saved through him. He that believeth on him is not judged: he that believeth not hath been judged already, because he hath not believed on the name of the only begotten Son of God.” 

– John 3:16-18

“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

And of which of you that is a father shall his son ask a loaf, and he give him a stone? or a fish, and he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he give him a scorpion?

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?”

– Luke 11:9-13

“All that which the Father giveth me shall come unto me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.”

– John 6:37