I have been asked questions about my past experience with schizoaffective disorder, so I’ll try to remember to keep adding questions and answers as appropriate, but I want to be clear that Jesus Christ delivered me from schizoaffective disorder in 2008. I no longer have it, Attention Deficit Disorder, or prescription drug addiction. My psychiatrist confirmed that I was fine. I have not taken any medication for any mental illness since September 17, 2008.
When did the voices start?
In 2006, I began hearing, smelling, and feeling things that I could not see when I started practicing new age/occult doctrine in the book The Secret and other new age books. I was raised Catholic and I didn’t know or read the Bible even though I called myself a Christian and believed that Jesus Christ died for my sins. I was not discerning truth from error because I didn’t know the biblical Jesus Christ or His character. I didn’t really know His teachings or those of the first apostles. I became so deceived by believing that God could be the universe instead of the One who created it. I was treating this false god like a “genie in a bottle,” thinking it was the true God.
I realized later that no one will rule over God. He gets to decide who will eternally live in His Kingdom. He’s so wonderful that He made a way to reconcile us to Him through the Lord Jesus Christ, so who are we going to trust? God who is all righteous and has no deceit in Him or rebellious entities that were thrown out of Heaven and who will be tormented later in Hell which will be thrown into the Lake of Fire?
Do Voices and Demons Pretend to be People We Know?
Yes, the devil and demons can pretend to be our family and friends by making us wrongfully believe we are telepathic, or if we are hearing voices, they can sound like people we know. Demons also pretend to be physically passed on (dead) relatives and friends because they have knowledge of their lives. I learned this the hard way. They also deceive people by appearing as angels of light and calling themselves spirit guides.
As a Christ-follower, we have to evaluate words to see if they line up with scripture in order to discern teachers, thoughts, and apparitions. I’ll talk more about discerning spirits in an upcoming free/study course.
Also, the devil and demons slander God or pretend to be Him. If you have suicidal thoughts or hear voices that claim to be from God and they are asking you to harm yourself or someone else, that’s not God. The devil lies all the time. He puts on a deceptive show and throws in some half-truths to get you reeled into listening to him, so that he can keep feeding you false information. False teachers/pastors do the same thing. God does not want you to kill yourself, or anyone else, so don’t believe the lie. I had suicidal thoughts before Christ saved me, and God did not want me to do it, so remember that! Remember that He doesn’t want you to harm yourself, or anyone else, either!
Did you take medication to help quiet the voices?
Yes, while in the hospital for two weeks, and then for a day or two, here and there. Most of the time, I was not taking medication, except for prescribed Adderall, but please do not discontinue your medication without consulting a doctor. I don’t know the extent of anyone’s illness. I’m not a psychiatrist, medical doctor, or a state-licensed counselor. Andrea Yates murdered her children after discontinuing her medication, so I cannot tell anyone to stop.
Did you change your diet before you were transformed?
No, and my diet had mainly consisted of Whataburger with large Cokes, Ruffles potato chips, powdered donuts, and several sodas a day. I also took prescribed Adderall and smoked approximately a pack of cigarettes a day, which also influenced my appetite and weight. At one point, I was a size zero at Old Navy, so I wasn’t eating much, with the exception of the times that I was dating someone who liked to cook or when hanging out with people who would take me out to dinner. When the voices were severe, I’d sometimes forget to eat and drink water, but other voices would remind me.
How long did you experience symptoms of schizoaffective disorder?
Almost two years, but there was a period when I rarely heard them. I would instead wake up each morning wishing I was dead, which felt worse than hearing voices (this had begun when I had turned my back on God in anger for not changing my circumstances). I incorrectly believed the lie that He did not care. I began to feel extremely isolated from all life, and I wished I was dead upon opening my eyes, every day, nearly all day. I wasn’t suicidal, but I wanted someone or something to take me out, which was not wise, being that I would have gone to Hell. That was a time when I realized that Hell must be a million times worse than anything I was suffering because its residents will be completely isolated from Jesus Christ, who is the Life, the Truth, and the Way (John 14:6), and will live in eternal torment.
Did you talk to the voices?
Yes, out loud and in my thoughts, and I shouldn’t have, but it was difficult to stop. The voices were constant the majority of the time, and I heard them in different ways. Most of the time, I could hear them speak loudly as if they were right beside me. Sometimes I’d hear them through my home stereo or the air if the windows were down in the car. I could also hear them commenting and responding to all of my thoughts. Later, after reading some of Eric Gondwe’s books, I tried not to talk back to them. Instead, I would think of Jesus Christ and focus on Him, but it was difficult. I didn’t know Jesus Christ yet, so He must have given me enough grace later to be able to focus enough on Him and His teachings.
What made the oppression worse?
Listening to a psychic’s instructions by lighting the colored candles that she gave me. It also got worse when I tried to cast out devils by using Mary’s name or just saying her name, which a catholic priest had recommended. The Bible says to pray and cast out demons in Jesus Christ’s Name and only those who have the Holy Spirit could cast them out. I was not even going to Jesus Christ. I was going to a priest who was not really leading me to Jesus Christ but to Mary. He asked me to pray the rosary every day, and most of the prayers are to Mary. The Bible says that Jesus Christ is God and the only Mediator, but I didn’t know this back then. I also did not have the Holy Spirit in me and since Mary is not God and did not die for our sins. She is not the bridge to the Father, and so her name had no beneficial impact in helping me lose demons. Instead, things became much worse.
The Bible said that I needed to repent and trust in Jesus Christ to be saved and that He’d deliver me from the slavery of sin and the demons, but I didn’t know that then. I must say that some biblical knowledge of most of Jesus Christ’s words and understanding is imperative when having a saving faith, but we need God’s help even then, so I recommend praying for your salvation and for help reading the New Testament. How can you have a sincere trust in someone when you don’t know the very basics about Him being God, His power over all, His role as Mediator, His role as Savior, His character, and what He is asking of you? If we don’t know those things, our faith can be blind and misdirected because faith is trusting in the biblical Jesus Christ, His Words, His Ways, everything He did on the cross, and His resurrection. Everything must line up with scripture or people will be lost or later become lost with all the false ways and false Christs being preached today. I’ll talk more about some popular false doctrine soon.
So, as you can see, I later learned that no one could deliver me except Jesus Christ. Holy water, praying the rosary every day, going to confession at a Catholic Church, sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, sleeping in catholic chapels, wearing a crucifix, showing up for Mass on Sunday, and only believing in Jesus Christ’s existence and the thought that He had saved me without knowing most of His teachings did not work and made things worse!
I had a blind faith in Christ. I wasn’t truly trusting Him. I couldn’t because I didn’t even know His primary teachings. I didn’t even know that I was supposed to repent. I thought only believing in His existence and following a church’s rules was faith. However, even the demons believe He exists and shudder at the thought (James 2:19), but they don’t seek and follow Him, nor want to do so.
Later I had learned to seek Him in prayer and through His words in the Bible, trust Him, turn from self-lordship in my heart, and agree to follow Him, but I also asked Him to take over my whole life, as well, and He did. I didn’t have to be good first. He met me saturated in sin and changed me, but my faith had to move for me to seek Him in the Bible; His Words. Faith must move.
Also, not everyone is immediately delivered like I was, but God does deliver and heal us in all kinds of ways. This does not mean that we will never get sick or that it is not God’s will for us to ever be sick. As a matter of fact, God uses sickness for all kinds of reasons – to bring us nearer to Him, help us repent, or give us rest. Christians can backslide and unconfessed and unrepentant sin will bring about some symptoms of what the world labels mental illness. I will talk more about this later, but if you’re a born-again Christian, you can overcome any sinful stronghold, so do not give up!
However, because I believed that God would eventually help me, I had a great deal of hope to “stay in the game” of life. Like I mentioned earlier, I failed in trusting Him when I was angry with Him for a period of time, but I came back around later, thanks to Him!
Never lose trust in Jesus Christ and keep seeking Him in prayer and in the New Testament first. I hear many give up too soon on Him. Fight through any oppression to seek Jesus Christ in prayer, His Words in the Bible, and His righteousness, and believe Him as if your life and eternal life depends on it because it does!